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STILL NURSING, ALWAYS MOTHERING.

Location: THE STRUGGLE BUS STATION

Let me start by prefacing this post by saying I feel extremely fortunate this time around to have been able to breastfeed Harlow. If you have been following along with us, you know I wasn’t able to breastfeed Luca, and I was comfortable with my decision at that time, and am still thrilled with that decision now, and hence moving forward. I think every mama is doing her very best to feed her babies however that might be, so please read this post as merely circumstantial, and not as me whining about my blessings, I know them well and count them every day.

Okay, so now that I’ve said what I needed to say, Harlow is just about 16 and a half months and we are still nursing. He doesn’t have any particular or definitive breastfeeding schedule, but rather just nurses on demand. My goal was to make it 6 months, and well, while I planned to stop at a year, it just goes to show you how nothing can really be “planned” with children. I know how normal and natural this is, and I have zero qualms about that, it’s more so the sleep aspect of this journey. Harlow doesn’t sleep through the night. He wakes once or twice a night to nurse himself back to sleep. For me, this is extremely difficult. I feel overtired and overwhelmed. We recently tried to begin sleeping him in his crib using the Ferber method. This has been working well as for going to bed, but he wakes up at 1 a.m. crying. I have a hard time letting him cry it out because I worry it will wake up Luca and Miles, but I also want him to learn to self soothe. So many dilemmas, just one mama here.

I figure, over time, this will work itself out, like most of the kinks in parenthood tend to do. I’m ready to wean, but Harlow isn’t, and so for now, we will nurse on. It’s funny how we assume that because we have parented a baby once, that parenting a second must be the same. I’m not saying that we assume every child is the same, I suppose we just assume that our parenting will remain the same, when in all reality, while most of our core values and morals will remain, our methods have to be adaptive and reworked for each individual child. My entire life I have been thrust into change, and I have always fought it. I’m slowly learning to try and flow with it. It’s a practice I don’t think I will ever truly master, but my efforts will carry on. I feel I was trying to swim against the current, and now, since I’ve began swimming with it, everything feels a little easier. This mom thing is HARD, you guys. Sometimes I wonder where Chelsie is because I get so wrapped up in the package of Mama. Forrest may have said life is like a box of chocolates, and while I do believe that’s true, I’d like to think life is also like a pie. We have all of these compartments that define us, and we must choose how big of a slice each part is allotted. I feel like my pie looks like a pumpkin pie after Thanksgiving, it’s all over the place right now. Moving forward, I’m definitely going to try and reconfigure my pieces, and while it may never look perfect, it can definitely be a bit more balanced, and a tad more tidy. Perhaps it needs some more sugar, hey?! It could always use a little more sugar…

Did any of this make any sense at all?! Yikes, I just kind of spilled everything I was thinking onto the page. I don’t know, but some days are just like that, and as disorderly as this post may have been, sometimes periods in our lives are too, so it’s fitting. I hope you at least got something out of this word ramble. Maybe something you could relate to, or maybe something to tuck into your back pocket? Either way, thanks for always being there to read and listen to all of the crazy that can sometimes be my life! I do appreciate you for that, and I hope you’ll stick around 😉 Cheers to the weekend, friends. May your coffee cups be filled to the brim and your hearts overflowing. We are all in this together! Clink Clink! xx, Chelsie

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